Coming of Age

This year, 2001, is special for me in two ways. Firstly, I will be turning 50. Secondly, I have had schizophrenia for 21 years, so it's been a kind of 'coming of age' for me. There has been a decade of 'out of control' and the past decade, of stability.

Regarding the schizophrenia, it first began Christmas 1979, when I was married with three young children under the age of five; also an infants/primary teacher.

The schizophrenia was like a bolt out of the proverbial blue, which completely altered the course of our lives.

At that time I knew nothing about schizophrenia - it took a decade of learning about and acquiring understanding of the illness. Most of this learning did not come from medical books or persons but rather from living with the illness day after day, month after month, year after year. For me it was like putting together a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, which took me 11 years. Most people had given up on me by then.

But finally, in 1990-91, I had come to terms with my condition, accepted the disablement of both the illness and the treatment for it and began building a life (satisfying though limited) on a base of taking medication every day (which I hadn't done previously, resulting in many breakdowns and hospitalisations).

So in the past decade, I've been able to see my children achieve young adulthood, tertiary education and employment. I've also completed a BA with Honours (University of Sydney) and hold down two part time jobs, one of them mainstream.

Some of the work I do involves educating all kinds of people, from medical students to neighbours, about mental illness, especially schizophrenia.

Part of the strength to cope with the illness also involved 'coming out' about my illness, without knowing anyone else who had done this. I had just come to realise that we are victims of a genetic predisposition and other circumstances and in no other way responsible for the onset of this devastating illness. I had also come to realise that almost everyone I've met with the condition is beautiful and worthwhile. In addition, my private research into the great numbers of famous and talented people who have suffered a mental illness gave me pride in who we are.

My own ultimate goal is to attain a PhD or doctorate, so that then perhaps some people, who don't or won't give me the respect, finally, that I believe those with us with the illness deserve. Most of us struggle valiantly on a day-to-day basis with the condition. I should not have to do this but I will show the world what we are capable of, despite this serious psychiatric disability, schizophrenia.

Marilyn Mitchell